employer: why should we hire you?
me: i got first place on Rainbow Road
employer: holy shit
how come every vampire in vampire stories is a hundred years old tho why cant we get a newbie vampire like
"how long have you been 17"
“about a year and a half actually its kinda trippy”
she definitely named her daughter with this joke in mind and waited patiently for years for the chance to finally make it
For your viewing pleasure: a squirrel trying to bury an acorn in a dog.